No Names. No Time. No Space.

I have a genuine love-hate relationship with life right now. That is to say, Utopia isn't all it's cracked up to be. Specifically, my Freaking Utopia.

Prioritizing is a bit tougher now for me than it once was. Each stage or age of my own life finds a new set of things to consider as priorities. Not unexpected but often unwelcomed.

Learning the hard way to put yourself at the top of the list isn't pretty. In fact, it's plain ugly. We make choices, and they are choices, that need to be worked on at some point. If not now, later. If not later, when?

Truth is, the work is hard, gut-wrenching, infuriating, tear-provoking, and exhausting.

Tell me your story. I'm all ears!

Abundance and Gratitude

I'm updating on my son, Utopian Boy's 19th birthday. Seemed a good idea. I see it's been a longer 'bit of time' than I thought!

So, I'm still getting the hang of living under a roof I fell out of love with years ago but recently began to appreciate much more than I have. It's a journey in itself, daily life, and I was making it harder on myself and likely on my Utopian family, too.

Progress is being made with Utopian Boy. He took the SAT this week (!!!) and has built a schedule for himself that he is following regarding school, school work and tending to chores. His anxiety has been off the charts, which makes his typical behaviors more challenging.

Utopian Girl is turning 24 next month.  In the last year she, too, was diagnosed as being on the spectrum, which has brought relief, dismay, and an explanation for lots of things that somehow Mr. Utopian and I missed being forms of autism over the years. She was also deemed to have a genius IQ, something she struggles with as much as her severe anxiety issues.

Utopian Dad has been quite perplexed with so many changes the last few years but I will say he's a solid rock when I need him to be. There are days, as all wives have, where I wonder why he does what he does, what was I thinking, etc., but there's no denying he is the love of my life. He and I are swiftly approaching retirement age and we've not planned things quite as well as I'd hoped but, as happens in life, there are things that are out of our control and can only be watched to progress along with a prayer now and again.

As I wait for spring to truly arrive for good, I have thought about beginnings and endings. I've lost some friends and family from my life the last few years, who are sorely missed, but who are also part of the fabric of my life and whom I carry with me always.

This is when I realize the abundance of blessings I've seen, heard, been part of and have received.  My gratitude is palpable and runs deep for all who have been part of my life so far.

There are lots of unopened doors to knock on and paths to try and I'm so glad you're along for the ride.

I'm back. Are you?

What then?

There are moments in life that resonate. My moment has been a year or more in the making.

Realizations. Feelings. Marriage. Health. More realizations. Thinking. Mulling.

There are things in this life that defy explanation. Does that mean one isn't needed?

Grace. Healing. Forgiveness. Which first?

If complacency becomes comfortable, what then?

This year, this day - this HOUR, is full of promise.

I've heard that before.

I am around, I promise.

Interestingly, things got really wonky immediately after Christmas and haven't settled down a bunch. After all, there is a reason it's my Freaking Utopia.  I promise, more later.

Feeling Blessed?

A quick note during the pre-work hour and as Christmas approaches.

I am overwhelmed most days by the typical demands of a work at home mom of two kids on the autism spectrum, looming or missed deadlines, shuffling clutter, and various necessary emails that clog the arteries of my information highway, stuff like insurance, school, support groups, volunteer projects, trying to fit donations to recipients, and the like.

My paying job starts in 10 minutes and I think of you.  The any yous who come to check on us.  The folks I meet every day online, in stores, at events, and are part of our community.  The adorables who live under this roof with me, my Utopian Clan, and the Utopian critters here, too.

Far from perfect in ANY way, our days are our days, our ways ~ our life.  My life.

I'm feeling grateful for the opportunities I have had, am having, and will have; for the people I meet from all walks of life and in all realms of the real world; for all of you.

Blessings are funny little things that are always around.  But if you aren't looking for them, it's hard to see them.  They won't always look like what you'd expect them to look like.

Look for them.

Find them.

Feel them.

Merry Christmas.  

Thankful today.

Playing the Trump Card

It's not a game.

Nobody wins.

Too much negativity.

Too much fear.